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TOPIC

Agree or disagree:
Competitive sports have a positive effect on children’s education

POINTS

skill development/self-discipline /collaboration/selfishness

Student’s Answer

I agree that it will have positive effects on children’s education. Here are two reasons why I think so.

First, they will be able to get technical skills in sports. A lot of leading sports players tend to start theirs when they are childhood. Children gradually get to learn the sports rules and know how to win other players. They will acquire their practical ways to beat their competitors. Knowing well in sports, it is the best way for them to start it as early as possible.

Second, through sports tournament, there will be many children can learn importance to corporate with other friends. Competitive sports itself not only decide winners or losers, but also corporate with teammates and other players. Thus, they get to learn and know their surroundings combined with collaboration with others.

Therefore, I conclude that it has positive effects on children’s education. (146 words)

SUGGESTED ESSAY BASED ON ORIGINAL IDEA

I agree that competitive sports will have a positive effect on children’s education and I have two reasons why I think so.

First, children will be able to acquire technical skills in sports. A lot of premiere athletes acquired their skills at an early age. They are able to apply these skills not only in games but as well as in daily life. This will help them how to play according to rules and standards.

Second, through participating in tournaments, children are able to learn how to cooperate with their teammates. Competitive sports are not only about winning but accepting defeat as well. Thus, it is a very good practice that children can bring towards adulthood.

Thus, I strongly agree that competitive sports bring positive effects on children’s education. (129 words)

本来はsuggested essayの前に、分析や細かいアドバイスが入ります。このエッセイにおいては下記3観点、一つも指摘される点がなく、Excellent評価の素晴らしいessayでした。

Typographical, spelling correction, punctuations
Grammar corrections
Others (Suggestions on word usage and sentence construction)

I様、素晴らしいエッセイのご提供ありがとうございました。

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